By Natalie

Life in Lipstick

Being a beauty blogger has opened a lot of doors for me in the last few months.
Sometimes I feel undeserving of how blessed I am, and sometmies
I still find it very intimidating! Blogging has been such
a wonderful thing that has come into my life, and it has
made me look at myself differently. It has also made me think about my past
a little more lately, which is what this post is about.
I’m sorry it isn’t my normal beauty review/how to/guide that you usually
see from me, but I think this is a subject that is important to talk about.
I’ve always been a very shy person by nature, so reaching out and putting myself
out there was something I never thought I’d do.
If you have been reading my blog since the beginning, you already know about the issues
I had during my time as a waitress. Self-esteem is something I’ve
never been comfortable discussing, especially publicly, but I know that
so many girls suffer with figuring out how to become comfortable
in their own skin, so I feel like it’s something that I should talk about if it can help
even one girl feel a little happier about themselves today and every day.
I am going to share something that happened to me when I was a waitress, and this
is one of the events that really inspired me to create this blog. So many of us start out
in the retail field, whether it be in clothing or food or any other form of hospitality.
If you’ve waitressed, you know the different things they go through.
Sometimes your customers are really great, sometimes your boss is, too.
And sometimes things are exactly the opposite. 
For me, my customers were the only reason I stayed in the restaurant as long as I did.
After you get to know your customers, you start to understand
how important your job is.
Waitressing? Important? Absolutely!
Everything you do in your life is important in one way or another.
Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you are a lesser being
than they are simply because of your profession. 
Like I said, my customers never made me feel that way, but my boss
was not the best, to say the least. It was a family run business and her nephew got away with
a lot, we’ll say. A lot more than he should have.
“What’s your point?” You’re probably asking; and I do have one!
See, when I was working there, I was still really struggling a lot with figuring out who I was compared to who I wanted to be and how I wanted to get there.
I allowed things to be said and done to me that I do sometimes regret now.
I let my boss talk down to me and treat me like I was an idiot, because it was my first job.
 It was very difficult, even with low self-esteem, to sit there and listen to someone
put you down and make you feel like an incompetent jerk.
I felt like I had to put up with everything that not only she, but what her nephew said and did to me also, because after all, she’s his aunt and business or not, I knew that I would lose if I ever
decided to speak up about it. 
Her nephew hit on me quite often and it wasn’t flattering in the slightest. But we won’t go into that too much as it isn’t what this is about. I didn’t so much care about what opinions
the nephew had about me, so I relied largely on my friends at the time.
I would come home from work crying because I felt like the job I was doing
wasn’t good enough, and that my boss let her nephew get away with things that
any other person would have gotten fired for.
When I couldn’t take it anymore, I gave my two weeks notice and let’s just say if I thought
my boss was mean before? The aftermath of me saying I was quitting was ridiculous.
I don’t know what possessed me, but one night I was getting ready to tend bar for
one of the events at the restaurant and I decided that I was going to look amazing as it was going to be the last big event I would be there for.
I styled my hair and ditched my normal makeup routine of foundation and a little mascara.
I went all out! Eyes, lips, outfit; (I didn’t know about the wonders of brow styling back then,
but that’s for another post!), needless to say I felt really done up and ready to take on
my boss and her nephew if anything should happen.
Feeling pretty pleased with myself, I got online and started video chatting with my friend to ask his opinion and to get pumped up before I had to leave for my shift.
I had my eyes and lips done up nicely, and I bought a bright red lipstick that I felt
insidiously uncomfortable wearing, but this was the night to bust out of my comfort zone
and to be confident in myself! So I picked a shade I loved, bright as it was, and I stuck with it.
I put it on and avoided the mirror because I knew if I saw myself, I would take it off.
So I decided to ask my friend his opinion, instead!
What happened next bothered me for a long time, but I had stopped thinking about it until a couple days ago, when I decided to once again put on that bright shade of lipstick.

makeup lipstick

 

“You look like you’re asking for it”.
“What?” I thought. Asking for what?
“That color of lipstick makes you look like you’re asking for
someone to do something to you.”
Now, I thought, how could a shade of lipstick make me look like I’m asking for anything?
Makeup was still pretty new to me, and I didn’t understand what the hell he was
even talking about. I put something on my lips, that doesn’t mean that I’m asking
or looking for anything.
It was about pushing myself to do something I’d always wanted to try, but been
too afraid to. It was about showing myself that I could be confident and wear that shade.
I took the lipstick off and thought long and hard about what he said, over and over.
“You’re asking for it.”
I was headed to my car and I stopped, turned around, went back inside and put that lipstick
right back on. I’m not asking for anything. Makeup preference does not mean
that I’m asking for something bad to happen to me. It doesn’t make me cheap.
So I decided to wear a skirt today, does that mean I’m asking for it?
I put on more mascara than usual today, am I “asking for it”?
No. I’m expressing myself the way I want to.
I’m not asking for anything.
From anyone.
So, to anyone who has stuck with this long post this far, I hope you never ever feel like you can’t
wear or do something for fear of what other people will say or do or think.
I wore that lipstick and I had a great night and I noticed that the women talked to me
more than usual. They complimented my makeup and asked where they
could find a lipstick like that. Nobody thought I was cheap,
nor would I care if they did. A shade of lipstick doesn’t define
me, just like whatever you are afraid of doesn’t define you.
Overweight? That’s not your personality.
Do you have acne? It doesn’t affect your kind heart, or your sense of humor.
Insecure? Don’t be. People are missing out on
all that you have to offer; your loyalty, happiness, and intelligence.
Don’t let anyone tell you anything about yourself. You know you better than anyone, after all.
Keep trying, keep pushing yourself. Better yourself any way that you want to, that’s the only
way to do it. You deserve the best life possible.
You deserve to live your life the way that you want to.
That’s not something you ask for.
That’s something you demand..

red lipstick
Thank you for reading my saga.
If you want to share your stories, I would love to hear
each and every one of them.
Don’t be shy! We’re all friends here. 
Now back to regular broadcasting!
See you soon,

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Comments

  1. EvelynHeu

    Great great post Natalie!!!!! You are Gorgeous!. and I love how you go so in depth in your blog. I love how your just so open and willing to write your thoughts and opinions down. This is also why I love blogging. You can write anything you want and you’ll either have people who love it or hate it. But me, I LOVE IT! Girlfriend, I am with you all the way!! <3

    Reply

    • oheart san

      Ahh, you have no idea how much better your comment made me feel! I was really nervous about posting this. I’m so glad you liked it. It feels like a big weight has been lifted, hahaha.
      Thank you so much!

      Reply

  2. Corinne

    Hey there, I’m visiting you from http://www.bloggerforums.co.uk

    This was a great post, I’m sorry you had such a hard time at your first job. I had a waitressing job when I was 15 and worked there for 18 months, I can def related to letting people talk to you for being an idiot. It’s so weird how much value you put in their opinions and how much power you give to somebody for letting them treat you like that, when really they are nothing! I’m glad I got out of that job and I’m glad you did too.

    I’m also very glad to hear that you decided to wear the lipstick, I hate it when people say a woman is asking to be chatted up, touched or even raped because of what they are wearing or how they look!!!

    Corinne x
    http://www.skinnedcartree.com

    Reply

    • oheart san

      Isn’t it weird? I don’t understand how we let ourselves get into that position. Well, we’re taught that “the customer is always right” so I suppose we are trained to put ourselves into the role of punching bag sometimes, which is so unfortunate!
      It’s very good that we’re both on to bigger and better things!

      Reply

    • oheart san

      Hahaha, oh my goodness. Thank you so much for your kind message 🙂 ♥. I absolutely agree with you, we shouldn’t have to feel bad for wearing something, makeup or otherwise. Thank you, Shani! Your comment made my day.

      Reply

  8. Alice Johnson

    That’s beautiful Natalie. I hate it when people assume I am dressed up/dolled up for anyone but myself.. but sadly there are lots who think that you shouldn’t want to feel good in yourself unless its for someone else!

    I am new to blogging, and have followed you 🙂 i look forward to reading more of your posts in future.
    Alice xo

    http://thriftyfirecracker.blogspot.co.uk

    Reply

    • oheart san

      That really is the worst part of it all, I think. They automatically assume we are either doing it for attention or because we’re deeply insecure. It just doesn’t make sense. Welcome to the wonderful world of blogging! I will definitely take a peek at your blog♥
      Thank you for your support 🙂

      Reply

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