Hey to all of you bloggers out there!
Spring is approaching fast and I have been bitten by the
warm weather bug. This time of year has always been my very favorite. I think
it is because everything is starting to bud and bloom and sprout back up
out of the ground, and it’s like life gets to start all over again!
Even the light that trickles through my windows in the morning just looks
and feels warmer, almost friendlier! I definitely wake up with a smile
every day these days.
Does spring do that to you guys, too?
I always seem to get stir-crazy around this time..
A lot of people I talk to say that the holidays or around the end of the year is
when they reevaluate themselves or their lives or whatever else. You know
when thoughts creep up on you and you’re like
“Wow, I forgot how embarrassing that was”
or
“That break-up sucked arse”
–
Spring is that time for me. I think because like I said, it feels like
everything is starting anew. I don’t focus too long
on the negatives or mistakes of the past, though!
There are so many opportunities and things
I shouldn’t miss happening right now!
So, around the holidays I tend to spend it 100% invested
in whatever I’m doing with family, friends, etc.
Unfortunately, much of this is interrupted by conversations popping up out of nowhere
with people from my past who I am less than thrilled to be receiving messages from.
But only momentary interruptions,
no harm no foul!
Is spring when you tend to sum up events or am I
all alone?
(Probably all alone, but that’s alright!)
This is also when I tend to daydream the most, I think about all the different things that I want to happen this year, this summer; to see if the internal goals I set for myself
come to fruition, or not. It is exciting and at the same time I always feel like there’s
an immense pressure on me to figure out how to accomplish every daydream or
fancy or whim that comes across my mind.
“Well, why couldn’t I jump up and fly to London for a couple of days?”
It seems silly to let some of these thoughts out, but I know I’m not the only one
who feels this way! Some of us end up wanting to travel, some of us want
to start new workout regimens, some want to learn a new language or
take up a new hobby.
No matter the activity, I think it’s worth it to give each of them a second thought.
After all, our youth is pretty fleeting, isn’t it?
We have the energy and stamina and innocent naivety left inside of us to
experience these new things with open minds and hearts and I know that
it might not always be that way, especially the older I get.
I have so many things I want to do this year, but I haven’t said them aloud to
anyone! They’re, like I said, these fleeting thoughts that strike a chord and make me
stop and rethink the choices I’ve made in the past, the choices I’m making now,
and the choices I want to make in the future.
Do you ever think about when you were a little girl or boy and you had these aspirations or dreams of becoming this or that, or experiencing such and such?
I’ve been thinking about what little Natalie would want for grown up Natalie, and
would she be happy with how I’ve turned out?
I’m sure a lot of this is brought on by the impending graduation coming up in a couple
of months. Of course I’m excited! It has been a long time coming and I’m excited to leave
with degree in hand.
But, to be honest with you,
I’m also sort of dreading it.
It’s such a leap into unfamiliar territory for me. I’ve always enjoyed aspects of school, I’m always hungry to learn new things no matter what they are. That is,
as long as they are unrelated to math.
But to be thrust out into this wide open space with things I am completely unfamiliar with,
it scares the living hell out of me!
My inner child wants to hide in college forever and keep going for different degrees.
If college wasn’t so damned expensive, perhaps this would be
a feasible hiding place for a few more years.
I do want to go back to school and further my degree, but I’m not sure how soon or when
or even if that will ever happen.
I suppose that is what makes my curiosity something of both a blessing and a horrible curse.
I am scared that without the excuse of college and other things in my life, I will become
doomed to an existence of a faceless drone behind a desk in an office of
100 where my boss calls me “sweetheart”, because I am just another feminine
face blending in with the rest of them,
not even important enough to be called by my name.
Ugh. Shudder!
Anyway…
This year I am hungry for more knowledge and travel, as always.
But I am so invested in finding out more about who I am and who I want to be!
We’re all constantly trying to improve ourselves, but I feel like because of my life thus far,
I was a right dumbass and haven’t spent as much time learning about myself
as I should have, so I’m behind the curve!
I want to make up for lost time this year and rediscover
exactly who that little Natalie wanted to grow up to be,
and I sure as hell want to get closer to becoming her.
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