I like to think I have the “right” kind of pessimism. The kind that can acknowledge the dark side without it draining her. Every day is a conscious decision to focus on the light, which can lead some people to believe that I’m in a dream world. Most of the time, they’re right. I’m not ashamed to admit this. That does not mean I don’t see the all-consuming negativity swirling and ever present around me. It means that I make the choice to move inside the eye of the storm, only being pulled out of it into the surrounding chaos for the sake of family or friends. I have the “right” amount of pessimism so that I can keep my feet firmly on the ground and still be able to make objective, however optimistic decisions.
This can and has brought forth criticism from people whose opinions I take very seriously, but I don’t think I can change it. And even if it were an easy fix, I don’t think I would lift a finger in opposition to the way I am.
I know the questions we all ask ourselves. Searching for a deeper knowledge to hopefully gain more self-awareness. We all yearn for this, it is something I’ve started to see as a generic human struggle. We can’t help but thirst for it, often sacrificing ways of life we’ve worked to develop only to toss ourselves into another way of thinking; of being. This is part of maturing, or so I’m told. However, I’ve always clung tightly to the child I was. To lose the sight she had of being able to see the world as innately good would be devastating, if not entirely destructive.
Maybe dreamland isn’t something we need to change or stray from, as much as we are taught otherwise. I still get butterflies when the warm morning light kisses my cheek and gives me that gentle nudge to start the day. Talking to friends is still the greatest pleasure, and I am so unbelievably grateful to see the world through the same dreamy, rose-colored glasses I grew up using. It is indeed a gift, all of life is. To lose sight of that would be to lose sight of what makes life worth living. My state of mind has been renewed with a purpose, that I want to see the best of things as often as I can. I want to capture these moments and taste this life twice. After years of grappling with myself over exactly what I wanted this space to be, I know that I want this blog to be the second taste of life. I want to relive moments that are special to me. And I want you here with me for it.
And what is a life without purpose?
Perhaps this is some new form of existential crises in the beginning stages, but I can’t help but feel like we are pushed so hard to grow up that we end up losing exactly who we wanted to be because we are trying to be the person that people around us want us to be.
Who do you want to be?
Lovely post!! I used to be a really negative person a couple of years ago, and looking back I know that I was wasting so much time on negative energy. It was partly my hopeless and cynical attitude but the people around me also had an impact. I can’t believe how far I’ve come since then, I’m finally surrounded with good people who bring out the best in me and I catch myself smiling more often and becoming more ambitious. I really want my blog to reflect that, positive energy is so important for everyone. Anyway I’ll stop rambling now aha, this was a great post and very well written, you have a very articulate way of expressing your thoughts! Thanks so much for the follow, hope you’re having the best day!!
-Nabeela x
http://nabsticle.blogspot.co.uk/
Thank you, Nabeela! What a beautiful name. It takes a while to realize it, but the people around us really do affect more than they realize. I’m glad that you’re finally finding that space to become who you want to be! Thank you for all your kind words, and for stopping by. I hope to see you here again! 🙂