So...posts of substance haven't been popping up as much as I'd like on here. To change that, this post is going to be a little different.
As a person who has always experienced emotions in what I hope is their full intensity, finding a happy medium isn't always (or hardly ever) an easy thing to do.
This relaxed place of harmony and zen is a place I often fall out of as quickly as I find myself stumbling in to it. I call it the Goldilocks Effect, because it tends to be an elusive area that just doesn't happen often for me. This goes for the highs as well as the lows. With everything going on in life right now, the high is possibly the highest I have ever been, and coming back down from it is inevitable. Perhaps this is simply a woman's take on it, but in my time traveling, working and really just existing in this world, I have found that society either cradles us like fragile glass, or is disgustingly cruel to us for reasons sometimes entirely unknown. There is no middle ground. And maybe, just maybe, that is part of why I have such a hard time finding my footing there in myself. I've struggled to find it externally, and so internally I have felt unsure of where or how to start.
While this summer has easily been one of the most exciting, memory-filled and growth-inducing summers of my life, it has also left a strange aftertaste. Floral breezes on warm summer evenings mixed with a hint of bitterness. I was unsure why until recently. Change is always bittersweet, and yet the bitter lingers. That is just part of our make up as humans. Sweet is easy, sweet is comfort and care, it can be addictive. Bitter on the other hand is something we have not so readily accustomed ourselves to. Bitter is foreign, unknown and leaves a sting. A lasting effect. Perhaps, at the root of everything, it can be explained as the simple high of a summer well-lived mixed with the melancholy flown in on the autumn breeze. That could very well sum up the place I'm in, but I'm not too worried about defining it. I have been here before, I will be here again, leaving each summer's end with a deeper understanding of what it is I've been searching for. Although this time, I feel like I finally found it. Not only in my fiancé, but in me.
This summer has changed me. Both bitterly and sweetly, and entirely for the better.
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