A state of mind simultaneously all over the place and yet completely still. The end of winter always leaves me at odds with myself and seemingly everything in life. Lack of energy, both in being creative and getting out there to head off the issues that continue to find ways to enter all aspects of my life the last couple of weeks. Come last Wednesday, I had the feeling that these issues were a prelude of something else, of impending disaster. That feeling was right.

While I have my back on one area of my life, trying to pick up the pieces of another, I keep hearing crashing behind me. I've been busy putting all the energy I can muster into putting those pieces back together as best as they can be. But life and work don't slow down for unforeseen problems, and I have to juggle a while longer.

Until this never-ending cold snap breaks and the sun decides to come back to these Colorado skies.

The post Somewhere, Nowhere appeared first on By Natalie.

Dress // Amour Vert

The post British Summer appeared first on By Natalie.

For me, it constantly feels like I put a million things into this universe and they disappear never to be seen again. Sometimes, though, one of my pictures or one of my stories will reach one of you. And it will bring an opportunity, an idea, or in the luckiest of situations a new friendship. We will build entire new universes around this bond together, and in that moment it makes all of this feel worth it. All this blind throwing of my creations, hoping one finds its way to you. Maybe, just maybe it will inspire you to share yours, too.

Vintage top & skirt // shoes are from

Seychelles

The post Still appeared first on By Natalie.

Mornings are quiet.

Sometimes altogether too quiet, and too still. I scan the room, utterly silent on the outside but mind ablaze with to-do lists, daydreams, wondering when or if I'll ever actually return to a normal sleep schedule. My eyes stop on the shelf in the corner of the room where I keep my cameras. Mixed in with some of my favorite photographs, I start to reminisce about how long I've had a camera attached to me. For the first time possibly ever, I took a trip over the New Year and didn't pack a single one of them.

My perspective on this flips and flops between regret and excitement, but the more I think about it, the more I lean more toward contentment. I was able to stop and enjoy moments instead of grabbing my camera (which I still instinctively reached for a time or two) to capture it that way. I cherish these moments more because I know they belong only to me.

Primark top//vintage jeans

(my uniform when I'm behind the lens, the slouchier the better)

I love to see the world through a lens. This Hawkeye was a Christmas gift and it has been permanently glued to my hand since I returned home. It even came with an original roll of film, and there was a used up roll inside of it. History and photography, two of my biggest weaknesses. I want to delve further in to photography this year, and I'm very excited to share what I hope is a period of exponential growth with you all.

The post A Photograph appeared first on By Natalie.

The sun is finally out and I’ve felt more inspired than usual lately, so here is a little bit of a photo diary from a place not too far from home. Although, to be honest I’ve spent so much time here lately this is beginning to feel more like home. That’s fine by me, though. Being surrounded by corgis and chickens isn’t so bad now is it? The claw foot tub doesn’t hurt, either.

I’ll be happy to be home, even if it’s only a short amount of time. Then it’s off to the next adventure. This time will be a little different, more work than play. I guess that’s the beauty of having a job you can do from just about anywhere.

Before I head off again, I’m trying to make as many plans as I can to meet up with friends I don’t see enough anymore. I refuse to believe that it’s as simple as “growing up” to drift away from the people you’ve had close to you your entire life. We will make time. We always end up finding a way.

I never pictured myself as much of a jet-setter, but I’m willing to bet that in the past year alone I’ve spent more hours flying and waiting in airports than the prior 10 years combined. All that time and you’d think a level of comfort would have developed. I still recommend traveling alone at least once in your life! It’s quite liberating and I still get a little twinge of excitement every time. But I won’t lie, airports still make me nervous.

Here’s to summer, here’s to adventure, and here’s to all of you.

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Growing up a mountain and farm girl, I tend to find my happiest memories, thoughts and places in nature. I love to get lost in the trees and become invisible to the world. But when they are talking about 2 or 3 inches of snow an hour pouring down into the mountains, I prefer to stay here, in the city just past the unyielding winter a few thousand feet higher than me.

You can find a link to my watch here.

With JORD, I can bring a bit of nature to me while I wait more and more impatiently for that final thaw to arrive. This is a piece that I can honestly say I’m proud to wear as it is entirely sustainable and beautifully functional. The emerald face is a constant reminder of so many of my favorite spring hues, while the dark sandalwood is a stunning contrast. Lightweight, minimal fuss and maximum impact, my JORD watch is quickly becoming a wardrobe staple that will take me well past spring into many seasons to come. The craftsmanship on these watches is of amazing quality and I couldn’t recommend them more.

I am very pleased to be announcing that while partnering with JORD, I will be hosting a giveaway where you have a chance to win a $100 JORD gift code to use on purchasing a beautiful watch of your own. Every single person who enters will receive a $25 code as soon as the giveaway has ended just for entering.

Click here to enter the giveaway

Thank you to everyone who enters, and good luck!

Unique Watch

The post An Almost Spring appeared first on By Natalie.

This year has been a great many accomplishments, fears pushed past and heart-crushing loss. I know it isn’t December, but I can’t seem to stop thinking about everything that’s happened so far this year. Ever since the buds were just blooming on the trees that are now golden and falling bare before we head back into the frost of another winter.

I won’t go into specifics, but let’s just say I always envisioned adulthood as some kind of final destination. Only when I “arrived”, I didn’t find any answers waiting for me. It was naive to believe for so many years that adulthood would simply answer all my curiosities and fix all my fears. It amplified some, and calmed others. In the end, adulthood is a sham and I have no interest in partaking in it. I’ll keep my childish curiosity, thanks. Let me tell you the one thing I’ve learned about adulthood. If you find the perfect balance between responsibility and adventure, all “adulthood” really means is that you have the freedom to live out your childhood dreams.

I’ll continue seeing the world as I always have; filled with people who are innately kind, with good intentions and dreams as big as mine. I dove head first into projects I never saw myself doing, with the help of friends and loved ones all around me. This includes doing a public event, which you should know is one of the most terrifying things I can think of doing. There is a community forming around me, one I am so proud of. People from all walks of life, just the way I always hoped it would be.

I met my best friend of 12 years, I flew across oceans for love, and I can happily and confidently say I am finally feeling like I am becoming the woman I’ve fought to become for years. I know it’s a cliche at best, but I promise you..if I can do it, so can you. Yes, it’s a daily effort and some days are much easier than others. But don’t stop fighting to be the person you know you want to be. It is so worth it. Hold on tightly to your convictions, passions, and most importantly never lose your inner child. I’ve found mine to be my compass.

Hold on to your faith in people. Especially the people that you love.

Thank you to eShakti for their continued support and for sponsoring this dress.

The post Short Stories appeared first on By Natalie.

Do you look at your life in chapters? Lately I find myself thinking more about the years gone by and less about the “big events” that seemingly separate one year from the next. It is surprisingly easy to lose track of one’s life when thinking about time in terms of mountains, canyons, oceans…The weight of water, the process of erosion makes almost everything feel minuscule in comparison.

Nothing but a scratch on an endless surface, some of us making more of an impact than others. In the end, the choice is ours. What kind of impact do we want to make? Are we comfortable circling this drain of eternity with our eyes shut, simply hoping for the best? Or do we fight to forge our own path down and hope that we make more of a dent than a scratch?

After so much searching, I think the most comforting thing is that it really doesn’t take that long to find myself again. A relatively simple life is what I desire. Somewhat quiet, but never lacking passion or purpose. It takes more than a simple realization for this to sink in to the soul, it takes effort to avoid the many traps that say a grandiose lifestyle is the only way to make a difference.

Your life doesn’t have to include these many luxuries to be important. It’s as simple as finding who you want to be, and working toward becoming that person despite fear. My life will be quiet, simple, but very impactful. That is my hope, anyway.

The post Chapters appeared first on By Natalie.

I want to be selfish and hold on to the summer light, but the mornings are cool and the outlines of my afternoons are carved in gold that only further signifies summer’s descent and autumn’s arrival. When the leaves begin to fall, I will feel a bittersweet enjoyment with every crunch beneath my feet like I do every year. Summer came and went so quickly this time, I feel as though I missed out on something.

Life lately has been, simply put, gritting my teeth and digging my heels into the mud. Things have snowballed and work and personal life are at a bit of a war with each other recently. All the while, I am just trying to balance everything atop this hill I’ve made for myself, grinning and bearing it along the way. My feet are tired and dirty, my hands are calloused and worn, but I refuse to give in when I feel like I’m this close to turning a corner and seeing great changes. So I will dig these dirty, overworked feet into the ground a little harder and stay strong. There isn’t much choice.

I will continue to find solace when and where I can, including here. Polishing off the rest of this watermelon mint iced tea is a start, and pouring over thoughts in my notebook help me to keep everything straight, most of the time.

The next few days will be the hardest, but I have an eerie sense of calm about it all. The initial fear is still lurking in the shadows of my mind where the light can’t quite reach, but there has been an overwhelming amount of support from family, friends and even readers of this blog.

I have to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for that, you don’t know what it has meant to me these past couple of weeks. What it will continue to mean to me long into the future. I had become blindly accustomed to dealing with things on my own and isolating myself. The past few days have shown me that not only is it easier to go through it with someone else, but for the first time in my life I feel like I have people ready and willing to be there through whatever comes. It is reassuring in every way possible. I can’t thank you enough.

The post Still Life appeared first on By Natalie.

She tells me often that she left her heart in Denver. It reminds me of the song we listened to all summer after we graduated college. Sometimes there is no stopping it. You miss someone dearly and it can eat at you for a moment, an hour, a day, week, or month. I miss her so much right now, but she is in Spain having what I hope is a fantastic time. I’ll have to wait until she gets home for the stories and the pictures and post cards.

Until then, I find myself gravitating to songs we listen to, movies we’d watch while we would pig out on food we made in the biggest hurry possible. Growing up, we called it “cooking club”, which we still do mainly out of irony. I don’t care, though. This dear friend of 20 years makes her a taste of childhood, a comfortable reminder, and all-around soul sister. I miss her and if my legs could carry me to Spain, I’d be running there right now. Even if it was just for a quick “Hi, hello, I miss you”. It would more than suffice.

I’ll be patient for the next month, though. Then I think I’ll hug her until she tells me to get away from her.

Which, knowing her..would never happen. Another of the many reasons I love her. A friend that just the thought of makes your heart full and happy. I have been lucky in many things in life, but I will always consider this dear person to be my greatest treasure. Memory lane can wait until the end of August…

I hope I can as well.

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